I have a friend who is in this situation and I asked her to write a blog entry about the issues she faces within her relationship. I ask that we not judge her, but instead encourage her. She is going to remain nameless for the moment, and I think we can all understand why. She will be adding more comments to her post as soon as she can, and we do encourage you to comment as well.
Here is her story:
I am writing about one of the saddest and loneliest experiences of my life. It is emotional and physical abuse that I have experienced with men who have told me that they love me. After each time that some abuse would happen, I would always wonder why would a person who was supposed to love me be so mean and hateful. The abuse not only hurts at the present but it can hurt for years later. The abuse has hurt me on the outside appearance obviously, but when the bruises fade and other scars have healed, the feeling of worthlessness still lingers. I hate the fact that I have let a person who has promised to love me forever treat me so unfairly and has made me feel like nothing. The only way that I have learned to deal with this, is to channel my energy into other things like work, kids activities and just about anything to keep me busy and not to focus on my own needs. The years of loneliness have taken its toll on me, as I don't trust anyone completely any more. As far as being pleased sexually, that hasn’t happened for years, as I have got so that I don't want anything to do with my partner, we don't share bedrooms any more. I even have gotten that I can't even stand anything about him; even the scent of him makes me almost ill. Why do I stay? Besides the obvious reasons of financial responsibilities, It is mainly because it has become a part of everyday life. The physical abuse has stopped but the emotional scars linger and will so for years. I have just learned to live life day to day and no one is the wiser that we have any problems. There is a lot to be said about the phrase that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I still hope that someday that I will have the courage to change my life. I have met a lot of nice men in my life and I can't help to wonder what would my life have been like if I had a life with them. Just recently I have met the nicest guy that I have ever met and I have even dreamed about him wondering, what if? Maybe some day I will get the courage to find out what life would be like with some one else and may do a selfish act and just be with another man because he is nice to me and just because I want to do this for myself.