I have this story to share about my horrific online dating experience. This could have happened outside the Internet dating scheme, but I met this person online, and she turned my life upside down for the following year. In this article I will refer to her as Gina although it is not her real name.

I met Gina online one Sunday evening in early September a few years ago when I was home on my computer through a chat line. After typing back and forth for over an hour we realized we lived within a few miles of each another and thought we had a lot in common. Within a week we met for a coffee. We were both physically attracted to each other and agreed to meet again. So after a few more dates and talking on the phone every night we had an official relationship. The first few weeks were great as I was falling for her. There is one thing I do remember however that I will never forget. I introduced her to a good friend of mine and the first thing he said later on was “Watch out for that one. I can see the evil in her eyes”. I thought he was crazy. I should have listed to him then.

It was Christmas time that year and Gina was starting to act like a spoiled child when she did not get her way. Now when she started to have her tantrums I just went home. The only problem with that is that my phone would ring a dozen times those evenings that I left her place. I would have to unplug the phone many times because the more I ignored her the worse she got. I was over to a friends house the night before Christmas and told him that after Christmas I was going to end the relationship with Gina. She eavesdropped on the 30 minute conversation that I had about her through my cell phone accidentally. That was something that added fuel to the fire.

For whatever reason, I would always give her another chance. I think Gina had a way to butter me up every time I threatened to leave. I would put up with her bi-polar disorder and the other problems she had because she had a few good qualities. Actually all human beings have a few good qualities in my opinion. So the following summer I told her a few times that I think we needed to part ways and that would make her act crazy. Gina was talking about living together. Living with four kids and in a rocky relationship with knowing her for less than a year, in my opinion was retarded. Did she want an instant Dad? Financial security? I was not about to find out.

So the following September I told Gina that it was over and went home. The next day she called to say that she just got home from the hospital and after we met she showed me a huge band-aid on her wrist from a self inflicted wound. She told me she didn’t want to live. I will have to admit I have never experienced anything like that before. I decided to give it one more chance because I was scared.

October came and Gina was still the same. Now I will admit that I am not perfect. I never have been and never will be. I looked at myself as well to see how I might be able to make this relationship work. I saw some goodness in Gina although the negative certainly outweighed it. I knew that I could not go on like this, so I had to find a way to once and for all end this relationship, that in hindsight, I never should have got into from the beginning.

The next day after telling Gina I wanted to move on, I received a phone call from her to tell me that she was pregnant. I was shocked because I was told many times that she had surgery that prevented this. This went on for a week and I demanded to speak to her doctor and obtain proof. This didn’t happen. The following week Gina revealed to me that she made up the pregnancy story to try to keep me. For me that was the final straw! There was no going back. So, I made one more mistake. I went back to the online dating sites. I soon started talking to a sweet lady online. Gina was history, or so I thought. Kathy was her name and she was everything I was looking for on paper. I never met her in person yet but was very intrigued by her. We talked on the phone many evenings as well. Every time we decided to meet for coffee something would come up for Kathy to prevent us from meeting. A few weeks into this I became suspicious and was wondering if Kathy was real. It was late November, about a month after I met her online, we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop. I was sitting at the cafe waiting much past the time we were supposed to meet, and then, my worse nightmare walked through the door. It was Gina. Kathy called me later that night to say her grandmother passed away and she could not make it.

It was not a coincident. Gina knew about the date I had, beacuse Gina had a friend play Kathy on the phone. I confronted her about this her and she denied it over and over. Her friend actually admitted to it later. To add fuel to the fire, later that week, Gina’s final favor to me was to call my ex wife to tell her lies to make an already tense relationship between my ex and I worse.

So that is my story. I personally wouldn’t wish a relationship like that on my enemies (not that I have many). I am off online dating sites for good now and will never return.
Does anyone still want to play online

I have a friend who is in this situation and I asked her to write a blog entry about the issues she faces within her relationship. I ask that we not judge her, but instead encourage her. She is going to remain nameless for the moment, and I think we can all understand why. She will be adding more comments to her post as soon as she can, and we do encourage you to comment as well.

Here is her story:

I am writing about one of the saddest and loneliest experiences of my life. It is emotional and physical abuse that I have experienced with men who have told me that they love me. After each time that some abuse would happen, I would always wonder why would a person who was supposed to love me be so mean and hateful. The abuse not only hurts at the present but it can hurt for years later. The abuse has hurt me on the outside appearance obviously, but when the bruises fade and other scars have healed, the feeling of worthlessness still lingers. I hate the fact that I have let a person who has promised to love me forever treat me so unfairly and has made me feel like nothing. The only way that I have learned to deal with this, is to channel my energy into other things like work, kids activities and just about anything to keep me busy and not to focus on my own needs. The years of loneliness have taken its toll on me, as I don't trust anyone completely any more. As far as being pleased sexually, that hasn’t happened for years, as I have got so that I don't want anything to do with my partner, we don't share bedrooms any more. I even have gotten that I can't even stand anything about him; even the scent of him makes me almost ill. Why do I stay? Besides the obvious reasons of financial responsibilities, It is mainly because it has become a part of everyday life. The physical abuse has stopped but the emotional scars linger and will so for years. I have just learned to live life day to day and no one is the wiser that we have any problems. There is a lot to be said about the phrase that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I still hope that someday that I will have the courage to change my life. I have met a lot of nice men in my life and I can't help to wonder what would my life have been like if I had a life with them. Just recently I have met the nicest guy that I have ever met and I have even dreamed about him wondering, what if? Maybe some day I will get the courage to find out what life would be like with some one else and may do a selfish act and just be with another man because he is nice to me and just because I want to do this for myself.

During the past decade we have seen the explosion of online dating. With the advent of Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Date.com and countless others people have re invented how we meet. I met someone special over a year ago and am now finished with online dating for good. Prior to that I met a few dozen women or more. Some were great people while some were just idiots. I am going to explain the problem with online dating and some experiences I had with it.

This is quite a unique time in the history of dating. In the past you met face-to-face and then got to know one another. With Internet dating you try to get to know one another by posting a few of your best pictures on a dating site and describing yourself in a very positive way. Now there is nothing wrong with having confidence and promoting yourself, however many cross the boundary between fact and fiction.
Women and men exaggerate the truth about themselves even at times going as far as actually lying about themselves. I writing this article from a man’s point of view, but I do wish to admit that from some stories I have heard of men are just as bad.

First off all I am big on physical attraction. Not that it is the only thing, but that in my opinion is the main starting point. If the attraction is not there in a physical way then it is extremely hard to develop anything more than friendship. It is extremely awkward for many people after talking online for many weeks and then when meeting in person the attraction is not there on one side. On the other hand I have found that many women are online looking for a man that does not exist in reality. They want it all; handsome, well-built, great job, and lots of money. That is the criteria for a lot of women just to get to the second date. No wonder many of them are still searching. I have certainly met my share of that type of woman online.

I have on few occasions started talking to a woman online and after a week suggest speaking on the phone or meeting for a coffee. They politely reply on msn “I don’t know you well enough yet”. I always shook my head after that response. How do you ever get to know someone unless to take the next step and talk on the phone and eventually meet them in person? Some women actually think they can get to know you by just typing back and forth continuously. What kind of fantasy are they living in? To a lot of men and women online dating is a big fantasy. You visualize an image of the other person you are chatting with based on a few pictures and what they type into the computer. Unfortunately when that big step of meeting face to face arrives (if it ever does for some people) that person most times does not match the image that is formed in the mind of that person.

To some women it is like a giant buffet. I have met a few that seem to jump from guy to guy. Why not, if you get tired of the one that you just started to get to know after a month or so, just hop back online and there are many more guys to choose from. The selection is endless and in a lot of women’s mind there is always someone better on there. Are you beginning to see why I hated online dating?

Many of the online dating sites have a section that anything goes. Married women or men looking for a relationship on the side, meetings for intimate encounter and so on were the norm on those sections. I personally never was on nor did I meet anyone from that section. On the opposite end of the spectrum some wanted just chat partners and nothing else. I don’t’ know about you, but I am too busy for virtual friends.

I have many stories I could share and could write more. But for the purpose of this blog I will keep it short. I may write some stories on the blog later on. For anyone that I may have met online that may be reading this, don’t worry I won’t use your name.

Finally, do you remember when you were 5 years old? Remember how you had imaginary friends? For a lot of people chatting online it is the same thing. They talk and are not afraid to type anything, everything is fine for them in front of their computer behind closed doors, but God forbid, if they had to make this fantasy real. It has been many years since I had imaginary friends. How about you?

It would seem that the materialistic society we live in has taken its toll on relationships and love. No more do you look over a fire and see each other from afar and fall happily in love. That can still happen just as long as the person owns their own home, makes 6 figures a year, and has the latest mode of transportation. The color of your eyes over that mystical smile must only be “Green”, dollar sign green that is. I know, I have heard it all before, people claiming they are not that materialistic, and usually in the same sentence defining that, which is actually a paradox of terms.

I have often heard it said to me;” I would like you just the same if you were poor or lived in a shack”. Well, that is usually the first lie I hear, as I am the so-called “working poor” living at or slightly below the so-called “poverty line”. It seems after a few short months when they start to realize that I am not making a lot of money, they decide that there is no future with me or a better future with someone else with more money. Oh sure, they love my emotional side and like the fact that I am everything they wanted, however, just not relationship material. I just cannot give them the amount of worldly material things they want. I have often heard people say, “why would you not want to date him, he makes $X.XX amount of money a year?” or, “you should see his home ” or, “you should see the car he drives”. I am sure you have heard comments like that. It seems like the only time someone says he/she is a nice person when it is runner up to that fact they lack worldly possessions. In this society, especially North America, we base our human value on the amount of wealth the person has. When you meet someone new and you tell your friends about him/her what are the first questions out of their mouths? Where does he/she work, and how much does he/she make? If you say that they live in an apartment and do not make a lot of money, they give you this weird look, and ask you what is wrong with you?

It seems that couples somewhere have lost the attitude that they need to work together for things and somehow came to the understanding they could just walk right into everything from day one. No work involved, fully equipped with the thoughts this is what I deserve (regardless of working for it or not). It is not hard to see why marriages are failing today. We have couples trying everything to uphold an image they cannot afford, and have considerable more debt then equity. Experts tell us the number one thing couples argue about is money and the number one reason for stress is finances (or lack off). However, as long as they look important and keep up the image that is all that matters.

As long as people keep up their pursuit of wealth, greed and materialistic desire they will never be happy. Why? Because they will never have enough, the more you get the more you want. You often see couples staying together if the one person has a lot of stuff, and it seems they can treat them anyway they want. So lets replace the word love with money. Love is now defined as a set of circumstances that can only happen if our materialistic desires are met.

Posted by Chuck Zwicker

Our generation has seen the breakup of families like never before. One in every two marriages fail. If there were nothing at stake this would not be as much of an issue as it actually is. At stake in all of this are the children!!!

I have created this blog site to let people have an avenue to share their trials and tribulations while going though this. I am personally a victim of divorce and being separated from my daughter. Although the primary focus is how men cope with being torn apart from their children anyone should feel free to leave a message on this site.

There are two rules to follow on this blog:

No vulgar language
Do not mention anyone personal (you can say ex or my child but not specific personal names)

Please feel free to post any comment, statistics or personal story. This site might add some comfort to anyone going through the trauma of divorce and not seeing their kids.